Reviews

This Week in TV: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, Coleen’s Real Women, Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding-Dong, Derren Brown: The System and The Choir: Boys Don’t Sing

Let’s look back at another seven days in TV land with this instalment featuring a lot more colons and apostrophes than normal.

bbch460 This Week in TV: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, Coleens Real Women, Alan Carrs Celebrity Ding Dong, Derren Brown: The System and The Choir: Boys Dont Sing
And I was completely wrong with my predictions about the BB:Celebrity Hijak final. With only 1 out of 6 right (I predicted Jeremy would come in the bottom 2). If I’m honest I thought Nathan may’ve come 5th or 6th but only if Emilia came 1st. To be honest I don’t know who was voting for her or how she came so close to winning (she had 46% of the final vote). She was a pretty girl, she flirted with all the guys, she bitched and was generally painted as the villain. Fair enough keep her in till the end but don’t vote her to win. Maybe people felt Anthony and Amy (4th and 3rd respectively) were a bit blah, Amy certainly fell in my estimation in the last few days but I was sure Anthony would be further than 4th. But in a way I’m glad John won, he was scrutinized in the house for being a mole, an actor and generally a pariah. He did have a hard time of it he was considered a guy so wasn’t allowed to go to the All Saints party (Jay was) but wasn’t allowed to compete for a date with the McQueen sisters (like Jeremy, Anthony and Nathan). He took to everything with great gusto (the Malcolm McLaren task being an exception but that’s fair enough) and he truly believed in what he stood for. He promoted good morals and was a role model for youngsters and so for that reason he deserved to win. To be fair everyone in that house to an extent was a good example, there were hardly an arguments with the exception of the unfortunate improv. I’ve also enjoyed Matt Horne and James Corden on Big Mouth, the video they put together for the Jay dance track they created – Fierce, Fierce, Vulnerable, was amazing. And I’m just hoping that they’ll be back in the summer. All in all I have thoroughly enjoyed this Big Brother, I’ve viewed it as kind of a cult thing as only E4 viewers will have been able to see it which is a damn shame, they’ll be bitching and moaning in the summer I guess but this was a bit of a change from the norm just a shame more people didn’t get to see it.

coleenwomen2 eps This Week in TV: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, Coleens Real Women, Alan Carrs Celebrity Ding Dong, Derren Brown: The System and The Choir: Boys Dont Sing
Coleen’s Real Women hit ITV2 last week. It saw Coleen McThingy aka Wayne Rooney’s Mrs. as she traipsed along streets trying to find ‘real women’ for ad campaigns. We are told that Coleen is the face of ASDA and other such brands but has never tried to compromise her look and she’s a real woman and she is now trying to find women off the street and tempt them to model for her, this week’s campaign was Pretty Polly tights. Coleen goes into a meeting and is told she needs to find a woman who is 5 7 or higher. I’d have no problem if Coleen hit the street on her own but as she bought a ‘street caster’ with her, what’s the point of Coleen being there in the first place. The street caster in question cast the dove girls, just imagine her going home after a day at work. What did you do today dear – Oh found a couple of Dove Girls they showed me under their arms it was fascinating. Moving on, Coleen and the Street Caster then approached/scared a lot of young leggy women on the street in the quest to find as Fearne Cotton’s voice-over told us – ‘Britain’s best pair of Undiscovered Legs’, Heather Mills has been trying to find these for years. The second part of the show was at the casting where about five women from the street turned up while the majority of people had just gone to the Real Women website and turned up. The 100 were then cut down to 15, these 15 then stripped down to t-shirts and pants took all their make-up off and showed-off their legs. It seemed then the three finalists who were there were all women who had boring menial jobs and longed to be models and actresses but were too small or too big or didn’t have the right look. The ‘Real Women’ then had to compete with actual models for the Pretty Polly campaign but we kind of knew the outcome already as one of Coleen’s bunch won the contract. I didn’t really see the point of this programme don’t we have enough model programmes already. And to add to that don’t we have enough interchangeable scouse women who are famous because of their relationships with footballers and are trying to garner some kind of reputation on T.V. There was Danielle Lloyd being racist on Celebrity Big Brother (talking of Lloyd have you seen the advert for her workout vid – she’s standing next to a black guy, she may as well be wearing a T-Shirt saying ‘not a racist’), then there was Abby Clancy kicking up a fuss about Jim Davidson’s homophobia in Hell’s Kitchen not to mention the indistinguishable WAGS on ITV2′s previous WAG offering WAGs Boutique. But if you like looking at a desperate young Liverdpulian woman desperately clinging on to fame by confronting women on the street who are trying to shop and then getting them to strip down and show off their legs, then this is the show for you.

alan carrs celebrity ding dong 625x352 This Week in TV: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, Coleens Real Women, Alan Carrs Celebrity Ding Dong, Derren Brown: The System and The Choir: Boys Dont Sing
Alan Carr is one of my favourite comedians, the only comedian to be nominated for a South Bank Show award for his tour, he has also been giving his first show – Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong. The show saw five celebs (Ducan James, Zoe Ball, Chris Moyles, T-P-T and Jamelia) taking on five ‘civilians’ from Glasgow in a panel show to see who knew the most. The rounds included ‘How the better half lives’ in which the teams had to guess what had more carrots – Paris Hilton’s ring or a tin of Baxter’s soup. Then a kiss-and-tell girl was wheeled on and the teams had to work out who she did a kiss and tell about and it went on like this. There was just something lacking from the format firstly the show was way too long for a panel game weighing at just under 45 minutes with a minimum amount of questions there was a lot of padding. The teams were also standing up which made me feel a bit uncomfortable and even Alan seemed a bit miffed having to an interview a girl who did a kiss-and-tell about Big Brother loser Donny Tourettes. Saying that this doesn’t detract from the fact that this is Alan Carr’s show and Alan Carr is hilarious taking the piss out of the Celebs (telling Duncan James he’d found Blue albums in Oxfam) and the Civilians (taking the piss out of the Scots generally) he was a hoot, he can make anything work but I’m sure there’s a better vehicle for his talents.

derren This Week in TV: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, Coleens Real Women, Alan Carrs Celebrity Ding Dong, Derren Brown: The System and The Choir: Boys Dont Sing
I felt quite cheated by Derren Brown’s The System, here I was all ready to write down a full proof gambling system when actually it was just a test of probability. The programme followed Brown e-mailing this one woman telling her there was a full-proof system to win on the races, he told her to watch the first race and then if the horse that she was told would win did to put more money on another race and another, at the end of race four she found out it was Derren Brown behind the system. He then told her that in the final race she should but a lot of money down because it would be the final tip he would give her. Padding out this programme Brown showed us him getting ten heads in a row flipping a coin. Then he invited four racing experts who were sceptical about his System, he took them to an abandoned room where a thousand Polaroid pictures of various strangers hung up in the ceiling, like they’d entered the liar of a serial killer, Brown’s exercise here was to show them that it wasn’t impossible just very improbable, each person got a Polaroid and the person on the Polaroid had the same initials as the person holding it and the two digits on each Polaroid put together in the order they were standing in made the numbers of the probability of the thing that just happened happening. Later on he showed us that the flipping a coin to get ten heads took about nine hours. And after the woman had got a loan out and put four grand on one horse he revealed to her the system, but first he put the slip in so she wouldn’t know how much money she would receive. What actually happened was that Brown had contacted many many people (all of those in the Polaroids) and told them to watch the first race giving a group of people a different horse out of six each, the five that didn’t win were out of The System and then so on and so forth, the woman who had just put four grand on a horse was just there through sheer luck and when the horse that Brown had told her to back came one but last she got really angry but of course he put a bet in on the horse that won. We were told afterwards that everyone who put money down got money back but I feel a bit cheated having sat through this only to be told it was what we hadn’t seen.

15233830 image This Week in TV: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, Coleens Real Women, Alan Carrs Celebrity Ding Dong, Derren Brown: The System and The Choir: Boys Dont Sing
I’m a big fan of Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, so I was loving – The Choir: Boys Don’t Sing on BBC2 this week. Firstly it was the sequel to the choir where Gavin Malone got a lot of public school kids together as a choir. But this second instalment saw the timid Malone go to an all boys school in Lancashire, the majority of the pupils thought ‘singing is gay’ and those that didn’t’ probably got beaten up off camera. Malone started his quest by going to the music class and getting them to perform in front of the other classes which they did and it lowered their inhibitions. Malone also became a teacher but got a lot of abuse and disrespect from the kids (just like Whoopi at the beginning of Sister Act 2) but he also saw potential in one kid (like Whoopi did in Lauren Hill) and gave him private singing lessons. The end of the first show saw Malone getting a sign up sheet and more than 180 boys had signed up but they’ve got to sing at the Royal Albert Hall – will they do it? Something tells me yes they will.

Next Time: Ashes to Ashes and Life in Cold Blood

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